You’re Not Bad With Money…..You’re Carrying a lot of History
- Ashley Lowe-Simmons
- Feb 5
- 2 min read
At some point, many women internalize a painful belief:
“I’m just bad with money.”
It shows up quietly:
– When bills feel overwhelming
– When savings won’t stick
– When guilt or avoidance follows spending
Over time, that belief hardens into identity.
You stop questioning it. You assume it’s just who you are.
But what if the issue isn’t your ability to manage money at all?
What if you’re not bad with money… you’re just carrying a whole lot of history?
💭 Money Does Not Exist in a Vacuum
Your relationship with money was shaped long before you ever earned it.
Money is emotional because it was present (or painfully absent) during moments of:
Stress
Safety
Conflict
Care
It was talked about, fought over, hidden, or ignored.
It was used for power, protection or punishment.
Even silence about money… taught you something.
If you grew up with:
Financial instability
Caregivers under chronic stress
Pressure to “make it out”
Responsibilities beyond your age
Your nervous system learned:
Money = Survival. Not safety.
That history doesn’t just vanish with adulthood.
🚨 Money Trauma Is Real, Even If No One Named It
We downplay our financial stress because “others had it worse.
”But trauma is not about comparison, it’s about impact.
Money trauma can look like:
Avoiding checking your bank account
Panic during financial conversations
Overworking to feel secure
Overspending to self-soothe
Extreme control or extreme avoidance
These aren’t flaws.
They’re adaptive responses.
Your nervous system learned what it needed to survive.
And it’s still doing the best it can with that old blueprint.
😔 Why Shame Keeps You Stuck
When you believe you’re bad with money, shame takes the wheel.
But here’s the truth:
Shame is a terrible teacher.
It makes you anxious.
It keeps you rigid.
It sabotages consistency.
It whispers: “Something is wrong with me.”
And that belief?
It traps you in a cycle of trying, collapsing, and blaming yourself again.
💡 A Healthier Reframe
Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I get this right?”
Ask:
“What did my relationship with money need to protect me from?”
Suddenly… the patterns make sense.
Overspending brought relief.
Avoidance kept the peace.
Over-giving guaranteed belonging.
This doesn’t excuse harm.
It creates clarity which leads to change.
🧠 Healing the Emotional Relationship With Money
At Conversations With A Clinician™, we never separate financial wellness from emotional wellness.
We help women explore:
Their money story
Their generational patterns
Their nervous system responses to financial stress
From that place, real change begins.
You don’t heal money by shaming yourself into “discipline.”
You heal money by creating safety, awareness, and compassion.
❤️ You Are Not Behind, You Are Responding
If money has always felt heavy
That doesn’t mean you’re incapable.
It means you learned to survive.
And now?
You’re allowed to choose differently.
🗣 Let’s Stay Connected
If this post reframed how you see yourself, don’t disconnect.
Follow Dr. Ashley on social media to stay tapped into your emotional and financial healing journey and to keep rewriting the stories that shape how you live, spend, and decide.
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