The Cost of Holding It Together: What High Functioning Women Are Really Paying For
- Ashley Lowe-Simmons
- 24 hours ago
- 2 min read
High-functioning woman experiencing emotional exhaustion while managing responsibilities”
On the outside, it looks like you’re managing just fine.
You show up.
You handle responsibilities.
You’re dependable.
You solve problems.
You push through.
People trust you to “figure it out.”
But what rarely gets acknowledged is the cost of holding it together
emotionally, mentally, and financially.
The Hidden Burden of High-Functioning Women
High-functioning women are often praised for their resilience...While quietly punished for having needs.
The world sees capability and assumes your capacity is unlimited.
So what happens?
You stop asking for help because you’re expected not to need it.
When “Functioning” Becomes a Survival Strategy
For many women, especially women of color, daughters of immigrants, and first-generation success stories, functioning isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a survival skill learned early.
You learned to:
Stay composed under pressure
Minimize your own stress
Take care of others first
Keep moving, even when you’re exhausted
This kind of strength is adaptive. It helps you succeed.
But it also trains your nervous system to ignore signals of overload.
Eventually, the body collects its payment.
The Hidden Financial Impact
Holding it together shows up financially in subtle but powerful ways:
💸 Over-giving to family out of obligation
💸 Difficulty saying no to money requests
💸 Guilt around spending on rest or support
💸 Avoiding long-term planning because you're always in crisis mode
When survival becomes your baseline, money is used to maintain stability not to build ease, peace, or joy.
And because you're “doing okay,” no one questions the strain not even you.
Emotional Labor Has a Price
Managing everyone else’s emotions, needs, and expectations?
That’s real labor.
It drains your energy, affects your decisions, and chips away at your self-trust.
Many women reach a point where they’re financially “secure” on paper…But emotionally depleted.
That depletion has a cost.
A Necessary Reframe
Strength without support eventually becomes strain.
Let that land.
You don’t lose your resilience by resting.
You don’t lose your competence by asking for help.
You don’t lose your worth by honoring your limits.
Sustainable success requires:
Nervous system regulation
Boundaries
Support
Rest
Choose a Different Definition of Strength
At Conversations With A Clinician™, we help women redefine strength:
Not as endurance at all costs, but as the ability to respond to life without abandoning yourself.
That includes:
✔ Recognizing when “I’m fine” isn’t true
✔ Allowing money to support your well-being, not just obligations
✔ Creating systems that reduce pressure, not increase it
You’re allowed to be supported.
You’re allowed to soften.
You’re allowed to stop performing strength for survival.
🗣 Let’s Stay Connected
If this speaks to you, don’t scroll past.
Follow Dr. Ashley on social media for real, relevant conversations that support your emotional and financial healing without burnout.
Because you deserve to be well. Not just functioning.
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